From The Pastor's Study

Loved Nonetheless

 I was reading a book recently entitled Forged. The author, Austin Wofford, quoted a study done by City College in London that found that ninety percent of women surveyed used some kind of filter to touch up their photos before posting them on social media. The observation is that they were anxious about putting a picture out without making adjustments to any facial features or body details that they felt awkward about. I do not believe this is a women’s only issue by far. Most people have probably touched up a picture, or even placed themselves in a certain position as the picture was taken to try and cover up something they felt embarrassed about. I have often stood behind family members because it can make me appear less overweight. But ninety percent!? That both surprised and saddened me.

We live in a highly competitive world. There has always been pressure to try and fit in and belong. We grow up with a desire to be part of the “in crowd.” Everyone wants to feel like they are accepted and valued. Online venues such as Facebook, Instagram, and others have increased the pressure. When we are face to face, we often see people at their best and worst: their high times and their low times, their family vacations to exotic locations and their dragging their trash to the curb early in the morning in their pajamas with their hair in a tragic bird’s nest. Online, life is different. Everything we see has been personally crafted to put the best spin on life. In that environment, it becomes easy for people to feel as if their lives do not measure up to the glitz and glamour that seems to be all around them. When we become worried that we are not good enough to be noticed or to belong, it becomes tempting to try and sell the world a “me” that is “better” than who we really feel we are. So, don the shades, go someplace exotic, touch up your pictures and try and make it look like your life is akin to the Kardashians.

Not only is putting up that kind of mask unhelpful, it is unhealthy. It is also a tiresome burden. Every false presentation of ourselves to others has to be meticulously maintained. It is like the old carnival performers who tried to balance and spin as many plates as possible on top of wooden dowels. The more they set spinning, the more frantic the activity to keep any of them from crashing down. And with our carefully fashioned personas -our avatars as it were – the activity is not only fatiguing, it is counter-productive. Even if I manage to fool everyone into believing I am something more than what I truly feel like I am, I cannot fool myself. Whatever attention and belonging my “enhancements” win for me is like a mirage in the desert. If I know the “self” I am projecting is a façade, then whatever attention or value it brings me is empty. “If they knew the real me, they would never let me belong,” we muse. After all, fear that I could not belong as I am is what made me put on the mask in the first place.

To truly feel loved and valued, we must know that the people offering that love and value are doing it willingly while knowing us honestly. You know you are truly loved when someone who has seen you at your worst values you nonetheless. This is one of the most amazing things about Jesus. The Bible tells us that “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).” God sees us and meets us just as we are. He knows us more deeply than we even know ourselves. He sees our failings, our inadequacies, and all the darker aspects of our lives that we hide from everyone else; and yet, He loves us nonetheless. We do not have to try and keep up appearances and wear ourselves out trying to earn His attention and love.

Take time to read through the Gospels and see all of the people Jesus reached out to in love. There are lepers, tax collectors, Samaritans, Romans, adulterers, demoniacs, prostitutes, legalistic Pharisees and arrogant rich people. Jesus reached out to people of every physical, mental, and spiritual malady. Even with those whom he got angry, like the self-righteous religious leaders or the self-centered masses, Jesus showed a longing to reach out and draw them close. He cries out as he enters the city, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing (Luke 13:34).”

How about you? Do you ever feel like there are thoughts you have or things you have done that make you unlovable to God? Are you trying to keep up a façade with people around you because you doubt others would value you or love you if they really knew you? There is good news here for all who are weary of fighting or faking to be valued. God sees you. God loves you. You do not have to earn it. And if we, who call ourselves followers of Christ, are living with even a shred of the love God has to offer flowing through our lives, you should not have to earn our love either.